Irum Khan

Sometimes you meet people in your life and they leave you with a “love and hate” memories. The other day, I was on the way from work to home. As usual, I was checking messages on my phone. There were several messages but one message took my all attention and made me shocked. It was very hard for me to breath and drive. I parked my car in the gas station, took fresh air and called the person back. That person was my old staff working at my previous job. He left a message that I only want to convey you this message that I heard Angel was passed away.

Angel was one of my very challenging and tough clients. He was non-verbal, severe mentally retarded and a challenging behavior. He was in his 40’s a young, handsome and very innocent looking man. Whereas, cognitively he was only 3-4 yrs old. I still remember my first day when I started that job and during interview and in-home orientation they explained me these all clients are hands on and Angel is one of the toughest one. Angel knows only one language and that is very aggressive and abusive towards everyone. In the past, several staff quit their jobs because of him.

Well, when I met Angel, face to face he acted as a gentleman, seems that he likes me. The second minute he pointed finger towards me and stated; “mama”. Angel calls everyone - mama. Then he took his towel and pointed a finger towards me – once again? I asked the staff now what he wants. They stated that Angel want that you will shower him. OMG, OMG….in my whole life I
never shower anyone. Shower and a male -Oppsss. I was sweating and shaking, face was fully blushing. I even lost my sound for couple of seconds. If I will say “yes”or “no”. It was risky, I was 100% sure, I will be beaten by Angel. My manager stated that do not worries, assistant manager; direct staff and security guard will be with you. How can I tell them? O’ man, I never shower anyone in my life. Well, finally no choice I put on gloves and the gown and ready to shower.Staffs were so cooperative but I done it…Woof, Woof. During my 8 months working with Angel, 100 times I got injured and couple of time ended up in the ER. I learned so much from Angel.

Lastly, my agency made the decision that this is not an appropriate placement for Angel. The State department moved Angel in another placement. When Angel left out facility,there were only holes in the walls no doors, no windows and all furniture broken. It took good two weeks to fix the room.
Couple of months ago, there was a picnic I went with my staff and clients. I was walking and busy talking with one of my staff and I noticed someone ran towards me and straight came towards me without saying anything that person hugged me so tight. For a second, I was shocked then I noticed, Omg that is Angel. It was very strange how Angel remember me? I was not working directly with him. I see him once in a while.Then his staff came and started talking with me. We are sorry for his behaviors. I introduced myself that I know Angel. After that they took Angel.

I was sitting in a crowd with my clients and staff members. One person came to me and he stated do you know that guy? I said who? He stated; look at back, behind that crowd someone is passing a fly kisses towards you, since last 10 mins. I turned my back and ah, Angel was there. Once again, he shocked me with his so loving and caring behavior. I waved my hands and I moved away from that place. Why I did it? As in the past whenever Angel was excited or sad in any condition, his behavior was very unpredictable, aggressive and abusive that includes hitting, kicking, slapping, spitting or throw the stuff to hurt the person. I was scared of his behavior.

Today, after hearing the message, deep in my heart I am guilty. I never knew that will be the last “Good bye” from Angel. It is thought and feelings that guides us. All I can say, it was a very good experience. Angel - I am fully confident how to take care of my precious clients. You will be always missed. Rest in Peace…Ameen!